"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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