Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
