I wish I only lived at night.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
