That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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