I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
