Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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