This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
