i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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