I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
