I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
