I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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