i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
