pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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