my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
