My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
