I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
