Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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