I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
