oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
