people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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