Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
