barbara walters just said penis...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i walk over a car last night?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
