oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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