I skipped work to stalk him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
