the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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