Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
