I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
