I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
