I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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