return my video game
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
