Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
