i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
