We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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