we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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