She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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