I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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