I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
