Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
