I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
