So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
