hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize