I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
