i barfeds in our rink
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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