What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
