I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
