please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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