Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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