meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize