I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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