As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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