thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
