At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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