he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
