my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
