everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
