Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
