youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
organizing the empties. That sober.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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