Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
