I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
