i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
