physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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