We need to rekindle our bromance
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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