If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
