I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Someone shattered a urinal.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
