I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
