so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
