We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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