Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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