that's an acceptable place to lick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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