Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
