Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
