When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
