She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
