I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
