At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
