my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
