I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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