Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
