He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
