Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
