Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
