Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
