I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
