My room smells like vodka and shame
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
