Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
