yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
