Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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