People in love make me want to vomit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
