I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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