All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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